Recent scientific discoveries show a drastic increase in the
size of the human population, and i don’t mean the number of people, i mean
their actual size. This led down a path of inquisition which
discovered an alarming, potentially fatal, infectious disease.
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| The Pathogen (microscopic view) |
The disease is spread through skin contact and ingestion. It
starts as nothing more than a pathogen too small to see with the naked eye.
The disease is not instantaneous,
it takes as long as 5 years to develop, or as short as 2 months. In extreme
cases, the disease can take effect in as little as 3 days.
Where did the
pathogen come from?
No one can describe in detail the original beginning
location of this fast-spreading disease, although, a significant rise in cases
in the last 60 years has caused alarm in the medical community.
How does it spread?
What are the causes?
The pathogen is spread through skin contact and ingestion. It
is most commonly found on the inside of the plastic, paper, and metallic
wrappers and containers used for food in supermarkets, restaurants, and
convenience stores. It is also most commonly found on chairs, the interior of
cars, couches, beds, park benches, seating on busses and trains, and even the
floor.
The pathogen takes 5 minutes to absorb into the skin. The
pathogen absorbs into food almost instantaneously, and once the food is
ingested, it enters the bloodstream.
Symptoms:
The symptoms range in varying degree depending on exposure
to the pathogen.
Minimal to excessive exposure leads to slight to severe
bloating of the entire body. The bloating causes high blood pressure, diabetes,
heart disease, joint issues, sleep apnea, respiratory problems, cancer,
metabolic syndrome, bodily discomfort, negative emotional effects, psychological
effects, high cholesterol, liver disease, gallbladder disease, and limited
mobility.
There are also economic effects, such as inability to work,
poverty, lower pay rate, less chance of promotion, higher fatality and injury
rate in the workplace.
Low self-esteem, poor body image, being considered “stupid”,
and less option for personal advancement are also effects of this dangerous
disease.
Yet another major issue: Clothing and seating for those affected
by this disease.
Addictive quality:
The pathogen has an addictive quality similar to a drug
addiction. Once it is absorbed in any
quantity, the addiction begins.
In children:
Children are especially susceptible to the pathogen, since
they are not aware of its absorption.
Parents and guardians should limit their children’s contact
with the pathogen, as the negative health, mental, and lifestyle effects are
the same in children.
Parents and guardians should take a pro-active approach to
guarding their children against the pathogen.
The addictive quality of the pathogen is worse in children.
Prevention:
Avoid contact with the pathogen. Limit skin contact, contact
with things that are infected by it should be limited to less than 5 minutes
every hour.
Do not ingest large quantities of pathogen infected food.
Fresh, outdoor air, breathed in during physical exercise greatly
reduces skin absorption of the pathogen. The more you move the less chance of absorption
into your body.
Is my bed safe to sleep on?
After sunset, the pathogen leaves your bed, but reappears at dawn. Scientists cannot explain this phenomena.
What food is safe?
Safe to eat are foods that are not pre-wrapped, such as fruit,
vegetables, and fresh meats. Also, foods which have not been prepared in haste.
If a food has been prepared in the time it takes for you to pull your car to
the second window, rest assured it is pathogen infected. Also, if a pre-cooked
food arrives to you in a wrapper or container of some kind, assume it is
pathogen infected. The best way to eat is off of a plate you have washed
yourself.
If you must consume a pathogen infected food, do so only every 4-5 hours and less than twice a day. The other meals you
ingest should be non-pathogen infected.
What about drinks?
Avoid drinks that are colored or carbonated, since these are
usually infected by the pathogen. Exceptions are unflavored and unsweetened
coffee and tea. Also, pure, fresh squeezed juices. But be careful, juice
bottles often have the pathogen on the lid, and inside of the bottle.
Safe to drink are clear, non-carbonated, unsweetened drinks.
A recent discovery shows that the plastic used for mountain
spring water bottles is free from pathogens.
If you must consume pathogen infected drinks, do so only once a day.
Concluding thoughts:
There is little to no hope for an easy cure. However, there
are many ways of prevention.
Wait, i lied.
There is no pathogen. (yay!)
Just people who eat too much, exercise too little, and pass
the blame off on whoever, or whatever, they can. And even worse, there are those so lazy, unloving, and heartless as to shove
their bad habits down to their children. (oh...)
Have a little self-respect.
Love your family. Love yourself.
And for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t blame
McDonald’s.
PS: Did i offend you? Feel free to write complaints on a normal US currency one-hundred-dollar bill, and mail to my address.
PPS: Fifty-dollar bills are accepted for minor complaints.
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